What Are We Doing If Not This?

"Don't apologize for yourself. You're awesome." I said to a woman God brought into my life, and whom I had the pleasure of spending some time with tonight.

About an hour prior to my saying this, she had commented how even at church she could find herself feeling alone but surrounded by people. I felt this sentiment so deeply because I feel it all over the place, all the time. I have come to learn, and more importantly accept, that I am not the sort of person who can say "Hello" and give a high five to a handful of people on Sunday and feel like I am living in community. For a long time I wondered what was wrong with me, and why I needed to be engaged, or deeply involved with people. Why am I so uninterested in surface conversations, and acquaintances when other people seem to be perfectly fine? Why do I feel so NEEDY? Not needy like high maintenance, but needy like I want so much more from people conversationally than "It's real hot out, my bathroom is being renovated, okay bye."

I have found that the answer is not only just that I am wired that way, but that most people are wired that way, it only seems like they aren't because a lot of the time they are getting what they need from someone other than me. This is good. We can't all be BFF's and I understand that. I really don't expect everyone to love me, or understand me, or want to know me. BUT, what community really means, particularly in the church, has really weighed on me lately because I think we are missing it a lot of the time- myself as a perpetrator included.

My pastor recently spent a lot of time in Acts, reading and re-reading what the first church had to say about community and it goes like this (Ch 2):

⁴² The believers spent their time listening to the teaching of the apostles. They shared everything with each other. They ate together and prayed together. ⁴³ Many wonders and miraculous signs were happening through the apostles, and everyone felt great respect for God. ⁴⁴ All the believers stayed together and shared everything. ⁴⁵ They sold their land and the things they owned. Then they divided the money and gave it to those who needed it. ⁴⁶ The believers shared a common purpose, and every day they spent much of their time together in the Temple area. They also ate together in their homes. They were happy to share their food and ate with joyful hearts. ⁴⁷ The believers praised God and were respected by all the people. More and more people were being saved every day, and the Lord was adding them to their group.

My mental image of this is of some hippie commune full of barefooted men with beards and dirty hands and their wives in bohemian printed wrap skirts living off the land and making barefooted dirty faced babies all the while worshiping together both during meals and at night around a fire while one of the bearded men plays the guitar marvelously. These people all smell like patchouli and are endlessly happy in relationship with God and each other. 

I imagine this idea makes some of you want to run. We have our own lives, our own families, jobs and schedules. Combine that with the fact that generally in our culture nuclear family (mom/dad/babies) is considered top priority. Only it doesn't say that here. It doesn't say each family ate together alone all week and met with other believers on Sunday and gave each other high fives. It doesn't say each family made sure to manage their time in a way that kept them apart from others because what is nuclear in nature is more important than the whole. It doesn't say they set specific times in order to be with each other for about an hour during the week. It says exactly opposite those things. It says they shared EVERYTHING and ate in each others HOMES on the regular. They even sold what they had to help those who had not- with no expectation of reciprocation. 

There is no ME, MY FAMILY, MY TIME in this scripture. It goes SO against what we consider normal and acceptable- even in a Christian community. It is easy for us to say, "Yeah they did that but the culture is just so different now, and life is so much busier and blah blah blah..." And it is and thats fine, but is that REALLY why we aren't living wholly in community? OR is it because.....

We would rather not bear the weight of personalities and issues that aren't like ours? 

People are freaking HARD and they aren't all like us. We have all had that weird guy/girl come into our lives that we couldn't understand or didn't like and felt awkward around and could only be relieved when he/she walked away. It is HARD to bear people who you don't understand. But scripture also calls believers "brothers and sisters" over and over and over again. It tells us that every other believer in Christ is now a sibling. But we don't live that way. We may bear the weight of a weird blood sister, but we generally avoid doing that for a brother/sister in Christ and I hate it for us. I hate it for them and I hate it for me because to someone, I am "that guy". 

I get that we are all busy and life in your own house feels like drowning sometimes, but something is missing. How often do you have brothers and sisters (even the weird ones) over for dinner, just because? It isn't difficult to break bread. How often do you seek out your "that guy" to try and better understand and bring whatever it is God has called you to bring into his/her life? How often do you ask someone how they are and REALLY want to know, listening even if it "cuts into your schedule"? What are we really doing here if we aren't doing those things? 

I've spent the last 2.5 years without community and it has taken a huge toll on me. I suppose that is why all of this feels so pertinent. I am sure those of you with plenty of friends and time with them won't resonate so much here, and that is okay. I am preaching to myself here too, I don't seek out the weird guy often enough either.

There are a lot of places where it seems normal for people to feel alone surrounded by people, but church should never be one of them. Ever.