To go, advance, proceed, travel, move along, progress.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Just Me.



I have spent a lot of my Christian life working really hard to be the best version of me. Not working for the approval of God, but working to be, seem, act, do better than I feel, am or be. I don't think this is wrong, but I also don't think it is right.

First off, the best version of me, on it's own, still sucks and the only reason I am even remotely capable of not sucking is because Jesus. Before someone gets all, "But I don't believe in Jesus and I am a good person" on me, that may work for you and that is great, but in my own life, without Jesus, I suck. That to say, it is only the Holy Spirit working in me that allows me to be a good version of anything. Yes, I can take minimal credit for generally heeding the still small voice and continually seeking, knocking and striving for growth even when it is painful. However, it isn't "ME" that is getting me better, it's Him. When I try and get me better what I find I am actually doing is just heavily critiquing myself which only causes self loathing and pushing away from my faults rather than accepting them and handing them over to God. It's highly counterproductive, exhausting, and generally impossible in aiding in the bettering of self.

Lately, not surprisingly as I have been reading a lot about grace, I have felt that still small voice reminding me in my weakest moments, in the moments when I feel things I don't want to feel, think things I don't want to think, or do things I don't want to do, that who I am right now is okay. Who I am today, in this moment, completely incomplete, sinful and broken, is more than okay. I am so okay right now that if Jesus were here he would totally eat dinner with me. He would come over to my house with my unbelieving husband and break bread with us, as we are, no strings, no expectations other than for us to receive Him. He would ask me to follow him, and in doing so I would become complete regardless of all the dumb things I will continue to think and feel and do.

Don't get me wrong. Growing is great. Listening to the still small voice will only bring good things. It helps us in every aspect of life on this planet when we grow. But if we don't- if we are stubborn, hard headed slow learners who can't seem to find a way to lay ourselves down, not only are we still loved and accepted by Christ, but we are also still in the running to be used greatly by him.

Today I am working really hard to accept all the things I am, and I am a lot of things. A lot of things I don't like. Things I mask or push away from, only to find myself right back where I started because they are simply part of my humaness. Maybe God will get to them in this lifetime and maybe He won't, but they don't make me any less loved or any less usable. I am willing to change, willing to grow, willing to look in deep and see myself in all my broken glory- but for the first time in this Christian walk of mine, I am also ready to be unapologetically me, exactly where I am, sin and faults included. I am ready accept that on any given day I am just as much the prodigal son as I am the older brother, and wrong is wrong whether it looks right or not.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

LGBT&JESUS

A few days ago a friend of mine on FB posted a link to a blog written to the Christian community. The premise of the blog was to remind Christians to be careful about what we say concerning Caitlyn Jenner (I would link it but my friend has since removed it from his page and I can't find it). While most of my peers were admiring the writing, it really pissed me off. It pissed me off because I believe that as Christians we have two jobs (Mark 12:29-31):

1. Love God
2. Love People

Our greatest commandment is to LOVE people and yet the largest portion of us probably really needed to read that article and be reminded that it absolutely IS NOT our job to sit and talk trash or point fingers or play judge. It is because so much of the Christian community does these things that people would rather remain broken, hurting and lost than be associated with us.

When I said some of these things on my friends page, as I do because saying the things is my thing, the response was completely typical in that all of them reverted back to "....but it is sin and they need to know because, eternity." Also, "Living in sin is different then having some sin and I don't believe that you can live in sin and be saved."

Let me say a few things here, things that I think Christians conveniently forget when talking about sexuality and gender and sin.

1. Idolatry is putting anything before God (not just worshiping golden calves but worshiping our money, stuff, kids, friends, TV shows etc). Idolatry is a sin. If you are living your life as Christian putting any such things before God, as most of us do, you are actually living in sin on a daily basis.

2. Divorce is a sin. Jesus rebuked even what the Jews had been told about divorce by saying:

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
“What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied.“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:2-9

He goes on to say that there are two reasons divorce is acceptable (Matt 5:31-32):

1) Infidelity
2) If an unbelieving husband/wife walks away from the marriage

It also says that anyone who gets divorced and then remarries is actually committing adultery, which is also sin. I could then say that if you are a person who is divorced and remarried you are living in the perpetual sin of adultery.

For some odd reason which I have yet to figure out or understand Christians have found a way to avoid, ignore and talk themselves out of these things, yet are terribly concerned about the souls of our LGBT brothers and sisters because the sin is SO great.

Some people say things like "The homosexuals can FEEL all the things they feel but they don't have to live the lifestyle because that is sin." I could then say, "The wife whose husband isn't attentive enough and stays too busy at work and drinks more than he should, she can FEEL like she deserves better but she doesn't have to go on to live that out because that is sin."

It makes no sense. It is a double standard all day and no amount of conservative dribble will change it, nor does it need to because JESUS.

JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS.

If we were even remotely capable of NOT living in some form of sin WHY in the world did God send Jesus? Why would you send your son to a death sentence if your people had it on lock in ANY SENSE OF THE WORD? You wouldn't. Just because you aren't gay or confused about your gender or bi curious does not mean you are not an absolute filthy wretch JUST AS in need of grace as the ENTIRETY of the rest of the planet. Just because you understand more, work harder at and feel more holy DOES NOT MEAN you hold the secret to relationship with God and all the "other" people don't.

The secret is GRACE and it ONLY COMES by way of JESUS. 

So stop it. Stop trying to justify pointing fingers because people need to know what they do is sin. What people need to know is that their sin does not define them and that despite all of it, past present and future, there is a God who loves them enormously and wants to be in relationship with them. What they need to know is that whether they ever figure out their sin, what it means, how to cope with it, how to change it, IF they have JESUS they have everything.

If you want to really help people, if you really want to exhibit this Jesus, JUST LOVE PEOPLE. Love them in their sin. Tell them He loves them in their sin. Then let the Holy Spirit do His job. We are robbing the Spirit of His job by constantly trying to change and reform people. That isn't for us and we SUCK at it.

Let me close with this. I am not exempt. I ride my holy high horse sometimes with the best of them. I am a human and I am a sinner and I am desperately in need of grace. ALL DAY EVERYDAY. I need to read this too. If you leave this blog with nothing else please leave with this:

If you don't understand someone. If you can't make sense of their choices and their lives, the most important thing you can do for them, the one thing that will no doubt demonstrate Jesus is to simply be kind to them. Be kind.