Prodigal

I was going through boxes this morning and found this little poem. It was dated exactly a year ago.

I am the eldest
I have toiled until my hands were broken
And then continued with broken hands
I have risen with Adams rooster
Ready and willing to give time and effort
At the risk of damaging these broken hands even further
I have pushed and leaned and believed
Through days I didn't think I would last
Another minute
I have accepted responsibility
For who I am
What I know
And all that You have shown me
And I have held it and handled it
I have not cast my pearls
To pigs

I have been transparent and honest
To a fault
I have sought out
My own shortcomings
In order that I may
By grace
Correct them
I still seek
I seek and seek and seek
I fix and fix and fix
I do what I am told

I don't want my treasures
I don't want my fortune
I just don't want to feel
Like the only one
Working with broken hands
In fields only serving to do
More damage

I just want a break
And I don't want it
In the form
Of a party for my brother

30 Days: Day 23- Friendship and Gratitude

 I am not totally sure the day I set out on the 30 Day Blog Plan, but I know FOR CERTAIN I have exceeded 30 days and am still not done. Lots of people would in frustration quit, but I am too OCD to have all these blog titles consist of numbers and not get to my goal, so.....

Today is my last day in California, and while I am ecstatic to head back to the south I have found goodbyes here to be harder than I anticipated. It took me until the last year really to build any solid friendships and I'm feeling a little gypped.

I have really strong feelings about what friendship is. For a long time people may have referred to me as a friend, when in my mind, they weren't really a friend at all. I associated genuine friendship with a deep personal connection, where both parties are involved in an equal mental, emotional give and take and I don't think I am wrong in feeling that way, but I also don't think I'm right.

God made me a certain kinda way. He made you a certain kinda way too. The certain kinda way I am seems to draw people. All sorts of people. People I love immediately, people who it takes some work for me to love, people who I never really get to loving at all. I assume this is because once you get over the hump of being alarmed by my appearance and talk to me, I am easy to talk to. I ask questions and listen. I work really hard at not using too many words to make it all about me. I try to be honest always. It's just how I am and the people talk to me.

I say all of this to say that there are lots of people who talk to me, and who I offer advice to who consider me a friend, where as I may not consider them the same. However, I would be wrong. Just because I don't offer myself to people in the same way they offer themselves to me, does not make them any less my friend.

The lesson here, for me, is that friendship isn't always intense and time consuming and iron sharpening iron. Sometimes it's just saying hello to the same someone on Sunday mornings. Sometimes it's just sharing dumb banter on social media after a particularly stressful day. Sometimes it's dinner once every couple months and hardly anything in between. And to be honest, that smiling face on Sunday mornings, is needed just as much as the deep 2 hour conversation over coffee.

I chose this blog topic today for a particular reason, and I haven't got to it yet because I'm wordy and I needed to explain all that for this to mean as much as it should:

I am SO grateful for ALL the levels of friendships in my life. I am so blessed to be nothing more than an ear for some of you, and equally as blessed to have those who listen when I need to be the mouthpiece. The amount of love I have felt over the past few days in preparation to leave this state has been overwhelming. People have flooded my life with kind words and expressions of appreciation. I don't know how I have managed to convince so many amazing people to like me, but I am so thankful. All the moving has gotten old, but I LOVE that I am able to say I have community/family/brothers and sisters in Christ from coast to coast and I am pretty sure that is exactly what Jesus intended. So thank you, from those of you in California, to my friends in Washington, Arizona, Georgia, Florida and everywhere else you people occupy! Thank you for loving me and letting me love/work at/maybe not be so good at, loving you.