I have never understood haunted houses, or the desire to be scared in general. To me, fear is the most awful feeling in the history of the world. It is paralyzing and torturous and awful so I have no idea why anyone would pay to experience it. Life is scary enough without people in god awful masks chasing you with hacksaws in jest. The only memory (terrible, horrifying, rechid), memory I have of a haunted house was the last one I was talked into attending. I was about 17 and this particular haunted house is very well known and particularly terrifying. I went in with my boyfriend and my best friend at the time and peed myself. No, literally, I urinated in my clothes. Not enough that I had to face complete humiliation but there was pee in there. Haha, I know, lets all get the laughing out.
All that to say, I am writing this blog because it has always bothered me that we are a culture that is entertained by such horrible things. We stand in line and pay to see people dressed as though they have been brutally murdered and tormented. We line up the theaters to watch the same stuff at the movies. We tune in for prime time shows like Criminal Minds (which is really mild comparatively), and are "entertained" by stories of people having been raped and murdered. I understand we all love a a good "who-dun-it", but everything is SO extreme now. What does it say about us? Don't get me wrong, Walking Dead is my favorite show of all time and I have NO plan to stop watching it but the reality is, its gruesome and sad. People are struggling to survive and turning against each other and dying brutal deaths.
I think what this says about us is that we are completely and utterly desensitized to pretty much everything. I mean, on shows like Law and Order the story lines involve things like child molestation, child rape and child murder. These are the worst offenses any of us could ever dream of and we are watching fictional stories about them on purpose. It is not normal. Well, it is normal and that is the problem. I don't mean to get all Jesus on you and make you feel convicted about Law and Order but I am pretty sure God is up there tonight thinking to himself, "Brooks, seriously? You are more excited to watch the premier of Walking Dead than you were to go to church this morning? Something bout that just ain't right sister." I am just proposing we all think a little bit harder about what we allow in our minds and hearts and spirits because like it or not, it will effect what comes out of them.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
The Things I Already Know That I Am Choosing to Really Know.
Sweet title huh?
If you have known me for any period of time you know my ongoing battle with eating and exercise. If you don't know me that well I will break it down for you simply: I have issues. I always have, since as far back as I can remember. I have ranged from not eating, to binging, to purging to never exercising to non stop exercise, never finding a true balance and never just being happy with myself. I have moments, sometimes days or weeks where I have this epiphany about all of it and do really well, and then "BAM!" I end up back at square one. In fact, I am pretty sure I have started many a blog with this exact same paragraph.
That to say, I have been doing the exercise program Insanity for a few weeks now and it is BRUTAL. Like, not normal brutal. It's all about "digging deeper" and "creating a better you". The instructor and creator says over and over, "I'm not trying to kill you, just trying to make you better!" It occurred to me today as I stood dripping sweat, barely breathing in my kitchen on my 30 second water break that the whole program is ridiculous. Like many other exercise programs it's all about "transforming" your body. If you google pictures you are sure to find an uncountable amount of photos of people who have had amazing results. People who have gone from flab to fab! Here's what finally hit me: transform my body into what? Into a hard ab-ed, tight assed push up machine? For what? What am I "digging deeper" to? I am spending appx 40min a day beating my body into the ground, looking for results that mean absolutely nothing to anyone other than myself. AND, probably not even to myself, because if I ever got to the point where I actually see results in my body I will just find something else not to like. I don't need a body transformation, the body is just a vessel. It says nothing about who I am and what I am here for. It is a temple I get to kind of own for awhile and then it's dust. Furthurmore, my body, as is, has done some pretty awesome stuff. I've carried and birthed two babies, danced all night with friends, run a 5k, given millions of hugs and worn AWESOME clothes (daily). I use it to cuddle and play at the park with my kids. This body is home to my hands that move and create art, or something like it. I get to decorate it however I want and it has yet to fail me. My body is not what needs transformation, but my mind does.
God I have spent so much of my life caught up and dominated by whether or not my thighs touch or my ass jiggles. I eat whatever, I eat nothing, I barf everything. I stand in front of mirrors and suck in, stick out, suck in, stick out. I hide the scale and then dig it out, I weigh everyday and not for months. I run, I elliptical, I Zumba, I Insanity and all of it leaves me in the same place because my body is not the problem. My mind is the problem. This is not a new revelation, but I feel like it is time to actively start living out what I know and what I know is this: I need Jesus. He is the only one who can get my head straight about this nonsense and keep it that way. He is the only one who can honestly remind me what my worth really is and why it is important to focus on that instead of everything temporary. I don't want to get to 40 or 50 or 60 and still be fighting this losing battle trying to be something that no one said I have to be except me. It is time to start actively choosing something better for myself. JOY. ACCEPTANCE. HEALTH- rather than extreme over working in order to weigh less and wear a smaller jeans.
I know I will fail somewhere along the line. I know I will have a day where I freak out about something I ate and wanna throw up or go run. I know I will look in the mirror at times and dislike what I see. But right now, I am choosing to focus on what is real, and meaningful and eternal- and those things are not my body.
If you have known me for any period of time you know my ongoing battle with eating and exercise. If you don't know me that well I will break it down for you simply: I have issues. I always have, since as far back as I can remember. I have ranged from not eating, to binging, to purging to never exercising to non stop exercise, never finding a true balance and never just being happy with myself. I have moments, sometimes days or weeks where I have this epiphany about all of it and do really well, and then "BAM!" I end up back at square one. In fact, I am pretty sure I have started many a blog with this exact same paragraph.
That to say, I have been doing the exercise program Insanity for a few weeks now and it is BRUTAL. Like, not normal brutal. It's all about "digging deeper" and "creating a better you". The instructor and creator says over and over, "I'm not trying to kill you, just trying to make you better!" It occurred to me today as I stood dripping sweat, barely breathing in my kitchen on my 30 second water break that the whole program is ridiculous. Like many other exercise programs it's all about "transforming" your body. If you google pictures you are sure to find an uncountable amount of photos of people who have had amazing results. People who have gone from flab to fab! Here's what finally hit me: transform my body into what? Into a hard ab-ed, tight assed push up machine? For what? What am I "digging deeper" to? I am spending appx 40min a day beating my body into the ground, looking for results that mean absolutely nothing to anyone other than myself. AND, probably not even to myself, because if I ever got to the point where I actually see results in my body I will just find something else not to like. I don't need a body transformation, the body is just a vessel. It says nothing about who I am and what I am here for. It is a temple I get to kind of own for awhile and then it's dust. Furthurmore, my body, as is, has done some pretty awesome stuff. I've carried and birthed two babies, danced all night with friends, run a 5k, given millions of hugs and worn AWESOME clothes (daily). I use it to cuddle and play at the park with my kids. This body is home to my hands that move and create art, or something like it. I get to decorate it however I want and it has yet to fail me. My body is not what needs transformation, but my mind does.
God I have spent so much of my life caught up and dominated by whether or not my thighs touch or my ass jiggles. I eat whatever, I eat nothing, I barf everything. I stand in front of mirrors and suck in, stick out, suck in, stick out. I hide the scale and then dig it out, I weigh everyday and not for months. I run, I elliptical, I Zumba, I Insanity and all of it leaves me in the same place because my body is not the problem. My mind is the problem. This is not a new revelation, but I feel like it is time to actively start living out what I know and what I know is this: I need Jesus. He is the only one who can get my head straight about this nonsense and keep it that way. He is the only one who can honestly remind me what my worth really is and why it is important to focus on that instead of everything temporary. I don't want to get to 40 or 50 or 60 and still be fighting this losing battle trying to be something that no one said I have to be except me. It is time to start actively choosing something better for myself. JOY. ACCEPTANCE. HEALTH- rather than extreme over working in order to weigh less and wear a smaller jeans.
I know I will fail somewhere along the line. I know I will have a day where I freak out about something I ate and wanna throw up or go run. I know I will look in the mirror at times and dislike what I see. But right now, I am choosing to focus on what is real, and meaningful and eternal- and those things are not my body.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)