Because Jesus.

I should not be who and where I am today.
It does not make sense that I am not an addict.
It does not make sense that I have had the ability to partner in making my marriage last the past 11 years.
It does not make sense that I have somehow been the kind of mom I feel proud to say I am. 
It does not make sense that I have been able to come of psychiatric drugs.
It does not make sense that I have had the foresight to make good decisions, lasting good decisions, rather than feeding momentary desires and whims.

I see people, mostly "friends" on Facebook, consistently posting about their lives in what someone might call manic patterns. They seem to waver somewhere between riding cloud nine and falling completely apart. The cloud nines are usually when there is another person, generally of the opposite sex, introduced into the picture, or if they are cut slack at work, or on their way to partake in what I will call "adult fun". The fall aparts come when life happens. Money gets tight, cars break down, jobs become insecure. There doesn't ever seem to be middle for these folks and if there is it is so short lived.

And I get it. I get it because the only difference between them and me, is Jesus.

The only reason I am not constantly broken, is Jesus.
The only reason that I don't need to self medicate, is Jesus.
The only reason I can even recognize self medicating for what it is, is Jesus.
The only reason I don't waiver constantly on the edge of depression and the overwhelming weight of how unfair life is, is Jesus.
The only reason I am capable to see past what will make me happy right this moment, and to what will be lasting and worthwhile, is Jesus.

I know for certain some of the people I am talking about would immediately turn their nose up at this. Or better yet, make a joke that excuses any Creator, and certainly any Savior and for all sorts of reasons. They have unexplainable pain in both past and present. They like scienctific theories better than religious ones. There are SO many reasons for a distaste towards God, but I would bet money that one of the biggest ones, probably tied with the whole "If God was real why did He allow this...", is simply that people don't want to believe they are their own problem.

We don't want to admit that we came into this world selfish and need any help to be something else.
We don't want to admit that the choices we make on our own may not be what is actually best for us.
We don't want to submit anything.
We want to be God.

But it doesn't work very well.
It isn't a solid long term plan.

I know this because no matter how awesome and happy and stoked and hoorah these people are, I have seen them at their worst and their worst is so hopeless.

The only reason my worst isn't hopeless, is Jesus.

And don't get it twisted. It isn't because I follow a set of rules. It isn't because I read my Bible everyday, because I don't. It isn't because I go to church on Sundays. It isn't because I am constantly praying myself forgiven of sin.

It is simply because I believe the history that was written about a man called Jesus. Not just because of the documentation, but because I have experienced the absolute love of a God who would do anything to make sure I understood what hope was, and that I had access to it.

I lived unfair in my past and I still live it. I feel the weight of depression and anxiety in a way that is debilitating some days. I think terrible, awful thoughts about all sorts of people and things all the time. I am just like every lost, hurt, angry, broken sinner out there.

However, I see the difference in my life and theirs.

And the only variable is Jesus.

You can laugh and scoff at God and religion all day. But when you see me, and how far I have come and how much I have grown and how blessed I have been- don't you dare contribute it to anything other than that one moment in time when I acknowledged that a Savior was born to two nobody people, in a nobody place.