Disneyland is Magic.

A month ago, if I had seen a blog post with this title I would have not only disregarded reading it, but also judged the writer as someone who is most likely ridiculous and in need of some "real life". I am unashamed about this truth, for you see I was of the opinion that Disneyland is nothing more than a people/money trap, set by a mouse. It was a place you went to spend way too much money from the time you bought your ticket to the last churro and bottle of water purchased waiting for fireworks. Everything in between was just lines and waiting and sweaty strangers with screaming spoiled children and a few mediocre rides thrown in.

I was wrong.

I'll say it again.

I was wrong.

I wasn't totally wrong, it costs a lot of money to do Disneyland right, and there are a lot of sweaty strangers with chocolate candy faced children touching every railing, wall and prop in sight. Not the place to be if you are particularly concerned with the spread of Ebola and other deadly viruses. Actually, I witnessed a small child of about 3 projectile vomit into the bushes while in line for Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, and his mother simply wiped him off with a wet nap and went on about the line. I was outraged and made my children triple hand sanitize after our turn but lacked the oomph to actually say anything to either of the matching Mickey shirt wearing parents...but that is niether here nor there.

What I assumed when people, grown ass adult men and women, tried to tell me how magical Disneyland was, was that there was something wrong with them. What life living, routine driving adult could possibly sit with a straight face and talk to me about the "magic" of an overpriced theme park? These people need to grow up. That is what I thought. If you are reading this and you just happen to be a person who shared unashamed with me the joy Disney brought you, I thought you needed a dose of reality. Sorry, but it's true.

You see I am an uptight individual. "NO!" you say, "Not you with all your tattoos and awesome funky wardrobe- you must certainly be spontaneous, wild and free with the heart of a small child!" While I understand your appreciation of my clothing choices, this is simply not true. I suppose I had good moments when  I was a little girl. There are pictures of a Christmas when I had to take a nap in between all my presents, and smiling hanging upside down on the monkey bars etc. I had the best moments I could have considering a lot that was going on in the background of my life (which wasn't really the background at all) as a kid. I don't want to get into all of that here, I just need you to understand that I don't have an inner child and I would bet it has something to do with a less than gratifying childhood. I always wanted to grow up so when I finally did, there was no little person joy left. It sounds sad I suppose, but it is what it is. This all to say, I knew it was impossible for me to feel like a kid.

Also important to note, I have anxiety. I do not do well with "thrills" and generally I seek to stay as far away from them as humanly possible because my thought life creates enough "thrill" in my brain to never need a ride to do so for me EVER. I don't like being out of control or unsure of what will happen next, so roller coasters and what not are simply not my bag. Hadn't been on any sort of ride in a really really long time and was sure that doing so would induce sheer panic and warrant use of meds, which I really avoid at all costs.

"OKAY ISSUES HAVER, GET ON WITH IT!" you say.

So day one, my family and I arrive at California Adventure at approximately 8am because my kids were up and ready to go at 5am and what in the world were we gonna do sitting around in a hotel room? Lucky for us, they just so happened to be handing out early entry passes so we hopped on in to an empty park and headed straight to Tower of Terror. I know- really great first choice for the panic queen right? It was awful. It's dark and you don't know if you are going up or down until the doors open and you're 13 stories up and then you fall and up and down like that for what feels like ages. But I did it. And I laughed when it was over and we went back later and did it again. It was just as terrible the second time but I still did it. Secondly, we headed over to the Radiator Springs Racers. I don't even like the Cars movie, but I pretty much thought it was the coolest thing to happen to my life ever. It was like for a moment I lived in Radiator Springs and we got to race the car beside us and all I could think was how great it was to feel lost in something.

The next few days at Disneyland mimicked this. I rode Space Mountain and spent the entire time in prayer, but rode it again later and had a blast. I got ridiculously excited about all the old school animatronic rides where Pinocchio and Alice and the Little Mermaid were brought to life. I met Jack the Pumpkin King and really thought for a moment he was not a fictional character. I saw a live performance of Aladdin that made me laugh so hard I cried. I watched my life flash before my eyes on Mickey's Ferris Wheel of Death (not the real name) where my husband kept his face in a provided barf bag and my kids and I sat as still as possible while our gondola swung in a way that felt completely unnatural. I paid $25 for my daughter to get her face painted and $150 for chicken nuggets with princesses. I helped my kids trade pins with staff members and watched them light up at every turn.

I felt like a kid. I figured out, in those 3 days, how to stop being so damn serious about everything and just pretend. Granted, I had some highly anxious moments when it was too loud or too crowded and I did have to take some breathers, but mostly it was utter magic.

Take away:

1. I am not to old or too uptight to get lost in childish nonsense.
2. Childish nonsense is good for the soul.
3. I can ride scary things that I have no control over in the dark and not die or have a panic attack.
4. Sometimes somethings are worth every single penny you spend.
5. Aladdin is the greatest Disney movie of all time and needs its own animatronic black light responsive ride.
6. Between God and Walt, all things are possible.